When you're the only one who knows the song.
April 2011
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
—Moulin Rouge! (2001)
rambling
Sometimes it feels like life is just one big fight. One big challenge that you have to win. Okay,maybe not life. Maybe the world. Because sometimes it just gets to you. Sometimes there’s just too much to think about, too many things have gone wrong and eff if occasionally, giving up crosses your mind.
And it may be that I’m just competitive or whatever, but for all the ‘wins’ that the world gets, I feel like I should try harder. Because it won a bunch of times and I’ll be damned if it wins my life, if it succeeds in making me give up my life.
So I shove off the feelings, sometimes I act on automatic, sometimes I have no idea what the hell I’m doing if only to survive. And then I think, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m not living, I’m just there. I’m just existing. And it feels like one more loss. One more point for the world.
So I smile and become optimistic, keep the sad songs to a minimum. And then accept that it’s all a part of life. Whatever emotions I have just make me more grateful for the good times and the lessons learned. And then i don’t have to try very hard.
And it’s not like I’m afraid of dying or of death. So whatever punches the world throws, I’m good. I’m fine. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you get as much good times as you had the bad. It’s not automatic. You don’t get shot and become a millionaire in one day or maybe you do, stranger things have happened. It’s that your whole life you get equal good times and bad. Sometimes in one swoop. Sometimes in small dosages. Whatever. But it does. And I’ve learned to accept and I swear I’m going to win this one. I’m not going to back down. I’m going to live my life as well as I can live it.
Of course I talk to myself. I need intelligent conversation every now and again.
When I die, I want someone to keep updating my facebook status to freak people out.
People be like
“It’s colder than i thought it would be in hell.” “Send food”
“Didn’t anyone tell them i’m claustrophobic?”
“uhmm.. you guys.. can you like.. dig me up.. i’m 6 feet under the ground in a coffin with my phone so uhhh yeah..”
“omg, satan is so funny!”
“hell isn’t that bad, atleast you get internet :)”
“lol u guise, i saw the list for people going to hell, you, blahblah are going STRAIGHT to hell hah!”
for a lot of reasons, mostly because of stress, and some people. :|
:( Do I have to punch people? >:D< I love you.
I’m just glad you’re back~
